Bruce Buffer

 If this story were an actual contest, Bruce Buffer would get first introduced. Bruce Buffer is the challenger. He's also the baby brother of 13. He grew up under the tutelage of legends, and was inspired to create his own voice and take charge of his sport and become the Buffer of his own. And so he should enter the arena to something suitably UFC, something suitably Bruce. "Jump Around," by House of Pain, let's say. Bruce jumps around. He turns his head. He smiles and nods. As he moves towards the ring the lights dim and the sound system blasts something appropriate to Michael Buffer. "Diamonds are forever" The Shirley Bassey version, not the Kanye one with just the hook that the children love. Michael is patient. Michael knows the best way to get into a room. He can make VIPs feel comfortable regarding their attire at Ringside. He doesn't have to charge himself up once he enters the ring because the way he was made was to do this. It's effortless. All he has to do is open his mouth